


Endgame But Not The End

by Rogue_Mando



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, LOTS AND LOTS OF VIOLENCE, Oneshot, Self-Insert, Swearing, Violence, extreme violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 09:58:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19721362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogue_Mando/pseuds/Rogue_Mando
Summary: A series of one-shots of ideas that may or may not become their own stories in time. But for now, it's more of a Marvel smircusboard.





	Endgame But Not The End

**Author's Note:**

> I own none of this, this is just a short story based on the premise of The Spider by I'mjusttryingtofindmyownway over on fanfiction.net, seriously go check him out of you get a chance! But now on with the story.

‘Ugh, anyone catch the number of the bus that hit me?’ Shaking myself awake I realize something is very wrong very quickly. Last I remember I wasn’t a Spider-Man cosplayer… 

“Good morning Peter, I do hope you had an enjoyable rest. Now I suggest we get back into the fight.”

“Karen right?”

“That is correct Peter.”

“Karen, this is gonna sound nuts, completely bonkers, but I may have died Peter Parker but this mind is definitely not his. I remember everything he does but I’m not Peter. Keep calling me Peter for simplicity, if you want, but shit's about to go sideways in the most spectacular way. Oh! And when we get back to Earth, I need you to get in contact with Wade Wilson no matter what firewall you have to tear down, paths you have to redirect, get Deadpool. We’re going to need him.”

“If you want, Peter, I can call him right now.”

“Do it. Immediately and when you get him on the line, forward him to me.”

“Right away, calling Wade Wilson… he’s answered sir and requesting you.”

“Put him through.”

“SPIDEY! OH MY GOD, IT‘S YOU! IT’S REALLY YOU!”

“Yes, yes it is, Wade right?”

“Yes it is, but you can call me anytime you spidey thing.”

“I’m flattered, really, but how do you feel about killing some sons of bitches?”

A blue flash appears next to me and I’m being tackled by the Deadpool himself. 

“Do you know how many planets I bounced off of just trying to make it here? One didn’t even have an atmosphere, got off of that one realllll fast. Like faster than even I can heal! I think your call got caught between at least two hundred before I finally got here, you said we were killing people? Who are we killing?? Even if they don’t need - oh that’s different. Is it supposed to be a glowing orange space sphincter? That spins? If so that’s totally awesome, if you’re into that, that is…”

“Wade, the people who need killing are through the glowing, spinning, orange space sphincter. They aren’t human and the boss is purple and has a ballsack chin, kinda looks like Josh Brolin.”

“THANOS!? I GET TO KILL THANOS!?” He runs up to me and presses his mask to mine, “ALRIGHT, MAXIMUM EFFORTTTTTT!” He screams bolting through the portal right for Thanos. Poor bastard doesn’t know what’s about to hit him. 

I step through the portal, watching as Wade scoops up the Infinity Gauntlet and bitch slaps Thanos with it. 

The entire battlefield stops as Wade looks around "Ohhhh so this is what you used to dust my old buddy Peter? I get he was annoying, couldn't decide on a middle name half the time, and honestly who likes the name, Stefan? Daniel is so much better! If you had to dust him for 'man of steel' reasons fine I get it! But don't do it without my permission!" Wade then snaps, dusts Thanos’ entire army, and pitches the Infinity Gauntlet back to me. 

“Take this! I don’t need it to castrate this walking ballsack!” Pulling his Katanas from his back. 

Looking over to Dr. Strange, I see his completely stunned expression, this obviously wasn’t his one scenarios. A gunshot rings out and Wade yells at the top of his voice “WHY," bang "WON’T," bang, "YOU," bang, and he pulls out an RPG, "DIE?” BOOM!

I pluck the soul and mind stones off the gauntlet and stick them to the ground. Using the reality stone I do two things. 

First I make a pair of swords made of an Adamantium-Vibranium-Uru combination and call out to Wade. Throwing them to him, he launches into the air pulling a pair of forty-fives from his belt and shoots between his legs, nailing Thanos in the forehead twenty times before dropping the guns and snags the swords from mid-air, “Awww Spider! You shouldn’t have! We haven’t even been on a first date yet! At least take a boy to dinner before giving him fancy gifts…” he keeps rambling on as I give myself Wolverine claws and his healing factor. 

Why? Because they’re awesome!

A thud echoes over the now mostly silent battlefield. 

“And that’s why my mother tossed me out when I was six months old, but you don’t really care about the rest of that story, do you? Oh well, it was worth a shot,” and he pulls the trigger again while pulling out a fifth of vodka and draining the bottle. 

“Well, that was more than a shot but whatever.”

Grabbing the mad titan’s head he yells out, “who wants Chimichangas!?” as he lifts it up.


End file.
